How to avoid the pain of unmet expectations
The solution is simple and effective but grossly unfair.
Unmet expectations are a huge source of upset at home and work. I don’t mean expecting people to do what they say they will do (though that is tricky enough). I am talking about expecting people to do the ‘right thing’, the ‘sensible thing’ or the ‘obvious thing’ even though we never asked them to and they never said they would. When unmet, these silent and unstated expectations lead to personal suffering and the waste of vast amounts of time and money at work and at home.
Let’s think about how people respond when their expectations are not met.
If you fail to meet another’s expectation, they tend to feel and respond as they would to you breaking an explicit promise. If they hold you to account or express their upset, it seems inappropriate and unfair to you because, in your world, you made no agreement or commitment to do the expected thing. Disappointment and resentment are likely on both sides, and work is disrupted because expected actions did not happen.
This week I expected a colleague to condense a three-hundred-word rough draft into two-hundred words that sparkled on the page and inspired the reader to action. I was disappointed when I received only suggestions for a few minor tweaks to…
